Couples Therapy
Has There Been A Plot Twist In Your Story As A Couple?
Are you entering a new, exciting period of your relationship—whether you’re starting to get serious, moving in together, or enjoying the first few years of marriage? Do you want to avoid falling into unhealthy patterns or get in front of potential problems before they snowball?
Perhaps you’re at the point in the relationship where conflict is beginning to rear its head. You may be arguing more, avoiding tough conversations, or beginning to see a desire discrepancy in your sex life. Where once you were in tandem, you and your partner are now chasing one another, causing you to wonder if you can sustain the connection that drew you together in the first place.
The distance growing between you probably triggers a sense of sadness, frustration, and fear. You may feel like the love and commitment you offer is not being reciprocated or that you’re not being supported in a way that feels affirming. Despite wanting to make the relationship work, you may worry the challenges in your relationship are impossible to overcome.
I know it feels isolating and scary to be in a tough spot in your relationship, but counseling can offer you and your partner the perspective and support needed to reconnect. Working together in couples therapy, you can deepen your connection and figure out what’s next for your love story.
Stories Are At The Heart Of Understanding Ourselves And Our Relationships
As individuals, we maintain life stories interwoven with complex characters, unforeseen plot twists, and key takeaways. Conflict is bound to arise when uniting with an entirely different human with their own story. It’s completely normal to experience growing pains as we figure out how to balance a new relationship with healthy independence and self-love.
Unfortunately, our culture tells an entirely different story about how love should look and feel: effortless and endlessly satisfying. No one talks about the hard times, when couples lose connection or how doubts about the future overshadow the present. Norms surrounding companionship place unrealistic expectations on our primary partner to naturally fulfill every need. The experience of uncertainty and exploration are not typically normalized within the context of serious relationships, causing resolvable issues to seem insurmountable.
As an experienced couples counselor, I am here to tell you that it’s okay to feel lost in your relationship. Despite what the Disney fairytale endings instilled in you, love is not constant—it requires hard work and maintenance. As renowned couples therapist Esther Perel says, “Love is on loan,” meaning we must consciously practice it daily instead of assuming it will remain in a fixed position forever.
Let’s Talk About Sex…
A big area in relationships where couples begin to grow apart is sex. You may be feeling ashamed, inadequate, or disconnected in the bedroom—keeping you and your partner from openly and honestly communicating your desires. Not only has this impacted your ability to become physically intimate—it’s probably kept you from feeling present and emotionally connected in your partnership.
As a couples therapist, my aim is to help you rediscover and sustain emotional and physical intimacy within your relationship. Whether you’re looking to navigate patterns of conflict, clarify shared goals, or spice things up in your sex life, we will work together to create a connection that feels loving, secure, and mutually supportive.
Counseling Through Mindful Self Therapy Gives Couples A Chance To Change The Narrative
Counseling provides you with a place to safely engage in tough conversations and emotions—together. The mediating presence of a counselor helps to slow down the process of interaction so that each of you can meaningfully reflect in real time about how you’re feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally. Rather than escalating into what would probably turn into an argument at home, counseling allows you to hit the pause button and foster a deeper understanding of your pattern as a couple. This will inevitably translate to heightened empathy, compassion, and connection.
At Mindful Self Therapy, I welcome couples in serious relationships and marriages of all kinds. That said, I am a particularly good match for couples entering a new or transitional phase of their relationship, including younger couples, newlyweds, and partners who want to explore polyamory and ethical non-monogamy (ENM).
What To Expect
The way I approach couples counseling revolves around the needs of each individual and how they are not being met. Both of you are bringing certain narratives into the relationship (oftentimes without even knowing it), and a big part of couples therapy is becoming aware of how your individual wounds are contributing to conflict and disconnection. As you and your partner learn to identify and better express your individual needs, you can begin to practice responding to those needs with empathy. This does not necessarily mean agreeing with your partner, but rather understanding how and why unmet needs cause pain.
This style of counseling is firmly rooted in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which is specifically designed for couples and is the most effective couples therapy to date. I am also likely to draw from other perspectives, including behavioral practices, to inform my approach. Regardless of modality, the counseling process will be tailored to meet your unique needs as a couple.
You’re here because you want your relationship to thrive and maintain the bright, connective spark that once defined it. Instead of approaching your uncertainty with anger and hopelessness, let’s get curious about the stories you tell and the roles you play. Through achieving a new understanding of yourselves as individuals, you and your partner can create a new, affirming dynamic that can transform uncertainty into possibility.
Still Have Questions Or Thoughts About Couples Therapy?
Couples counseling is the last stop before a breakup.
This is simply not true! Couples therapy is a beautiful, healing space where all couples—regardless of their experience—could benefit from pausing, exploring, and shifting outdated patterns. In fact, it can save a lot of time and heartache in the long run to start working with a couples therapist before problems become ingrained.
I want to challenge the story you are telling yourself about couples therapy so that you can open up yourself to the possibility that it might help (rather than hurt) your relationship.
What if nothing changes between my partner and me even after we’ve tried counseling?
Therapy is an opportunity to gain clarity on yourself and your relationship. Success in therapy depends entirely on each partner’s willingness to do the work. The hard truth is that even with counseling, some couples are unable to change their dynamic and just may not be the right fit for one another. Therapy can certainly help uncover fundamental differences within the relationship. Through this discovery, some couples arrive at the conclusion that they cannot reconcile their differences and either decide to end their chapter together or learn to move forward and accept each other for who they are.
My partner isn’t willing to work with a couples counselor.
It’s extremely common for one partner to be more invested in the idea of couples therapy than the other. If your partner expresses resistance, I invite you to get curious about their hesitation and approach it with compassion (rather than judgment). Take the time to highlight how seeing a couples therapist would be meaningful for you. It also might help to mention that as a trained professional, I take great care to ensure a level playing field in the counseling space. As long as you both arrive—even with reservations—that’s a great start.
A Happy Ending Is Still Possible
My approach to couples therapy helps each partner explore, understand, and adjust the dynamic they’ve created together. For more information, contact me.